Effective negotiating techniques can help children reduce school violence

Posted on December 18, 2018December 18, 2018 by Julie Penshorn

Effective negotiating often isn’t modeled by government

Effective negotiating. I remember my teachers using our U.S. Congress to show me how it was done. However, right now effective negotiating and dialogue seem to be a thing of the past, and many wonder, “What happened to civility? What happened to basic decency and social skills? How we are ever going to get back to bipartisan debate? Or intelligent and truthful conversations in our lawmaking bodies?”

Teens model effective negotiating and learning to be civil

While we are hoping that our “leaders” can take steps toward higher ground, we can be hopeful. People like Brooke Deterline—a cofounder of the Courageous Leadership consulting firm, are working to guide kids to find the skills for civility in conversations, particularly with those who don’t share their point-of-view. These kids are likely to grow up having the skills to move beyond partisan bickering and toward problem-solving.

An inspirational article about work with kids

You’ll find an inspirational article from The Greater Good Magazine: Here’s the link directly to the article: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/these_kids_are_learning_how_to_have_bipartisan_conversations. To summarize: Deterline gets a group of teenagers together and educates them in courageous leadership! She says, “What often shuts down conversations across the political aisle, . . . is when our brains go into what she calls ‘the red zone.’ . . .When we’re stressed, our natural compassion is cut off. . . .We don’t want to have compassion for the lion if we’re actually in a life-or-death situation. Our bodies are getting ready to fight or flee, sometimes freeze. It happens in less than a second.”

Working with Teens is Great

I have often marvelled at the wonderful work being done by people working with teens. And, yet, even with teens, we are doing remediation. We are fixing an already existing challenge. We need to start in the womb and continue with every day of a child’s life to provide a safe and welcoming environment for kids that allows them to think clearly and without fear clouding their responses.

Every day of a child’s life has a lasting impact

The incredible impact of early experiences on young children is why we are so concerned about US policies on the US/Mexico border. Whether it’s separation of families or just extensive stays for youngsters, none of it is okay for their development!

Children from birth to age 9 are sponges. When we provide a fear-filled environment, we create trauma that often causes lifelong consequences. When we provide safety, security, love, and decency, we provide tools for them to learn the very skills that these teens are learning — at an early enough age that these skills become their new normal. If we can also offer cultural tools like books and music to support their negotiating skills we are smart! Then we are enhancing their Smart Tools for Life.

Reducing School Violence and Increasing Social Skills for Young Kids

A brief overview of why Smart Tools for Life are so important!

Posted by Smart Tools for Life on Tuesday, December 18, 2018

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace has a teen mentor component to it, so teens can bring the younger kid these skills.

Our Payhip store can be posted on your website. Your friends, co-workers, business associates, and family can find these materials and you can even make 40% of their purchase price. Do good while making money. Gotta like that!

Santa Visits The Barnyard Buddies and Gets a Message!

Posted on December 6, 2018December 6, 2018 by Julie Penshorn

Santa visits

The Barnyard Buddies help Santa each fall.

Kids can take rides — near his booth at the mall.

So he asks them each year, “Did the kids act with care?

“Were they grateful that farmer Jim brought you all there?”

The cover of The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace book

The Barnyard Buddies went to the mall to give pony rides and petting opportunities to the children.

And each year The Buddies have mixed reports

Some children terrific, others out of sorts.

“We mostly tell Santa the children are great,

“So maybe now it’s a little bit late

“But I think we should say, at least mention the fact,

“That several of the children ended up in a stack

“On the floor in a tussle just to get that new game,”

Said Ol’ Dot with a sad face, and feeling quite lame.

Boys fighting over toys need conflict resolution skills

Boys in a tussle

She took many children up on her old back.

They made her walk fast, and she limped coming back.

“It’s true, I’m hurt. It’s silly, but heck,

“Very few children even petted my neck.

“Did they think I was a robot, a computer game?

“Not one even asked Farmer Jim for my name!”

You could tell from her face that Ol’ Dot was sad.

And the others agreed, and began to feel mad.

Santa and sleigh

Santa landed his sled on the barn roof that night.

And they told him their thoughts — it was such a sight —

The animals crying, and Santa in thought.

What to do about kids’ gifts? Maybe give coal — or not?

“Please don’t give coal, Santa! Most kids try each year.”

Said Grey Donkey to them all — shedding a tear.

“We just need a way to help children find

“There are so many reasons for them to be kind.

“Most of the time when kids have a fight

“Peace has been interrupted — someone’s heart is not right

“That book, “I Can See Peace” shows children the way

“To seek and find peace. Let’s give them that book — if we may!

Book, I Can See Peace

“Without empathy and compassion, the future looks dire.

“So we must try harder!” said Santa, sounding tired. . .

“I’ve an idea! Tell how you all do it —

“Here in the barnyard, you get along, nothing to it!

“Yes! The owl, Mrs. McCloud taught us,” said King.

“Let’s write our stories, that’s how we can bring

“Kids the smart tools so they too can say,

“‘I feel so peaceful and connected today!’”

So now, Barnyard Buddies have a book to share

And songs you can sing when you struggle to care.

Music CD about peacemaking for children

Music CD for conflict resolution and peacemaking

Music for conflict resolution and peacemaking

About how to solve problems, be kind, and be fair,

About how to take turns, compromise, and share.

If you ask Santa, he’ll drop off at your door

All these smart tools. That’s what they’re for!

This poem is a story about how “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace” book may have come to be! I hope you enjoy and share.

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace and kids

Two children who love The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace

This blog is definitely a bit big on the marketing and promoting (at the end). If you read the reviews that are on Amazon associated with any of the materials, but particularly the music, I think you will see why I feel the need to share and promote. These materials are really important and valuable to kids — according to others. I think as the writer, it’s my responsibility to do my share to let others know about them. Please share in any way you can. Twitter, Facebook, and so on.

As you see, The Barnyard Buddies also mentioned the other award-winning book, “I Can See Peace.” The two books and two cds of music provide a lovely, simple way to bring a comprehensive peacemaking education to very young children. All the materials are targeted for ages 3 to 8 or 9.

The young ages are when we cement our conflict resolution styles. We also learn that our families value our caring and sharing behaviors. We learn about focusing on kindness and compassion, recycling, and caring for the earth, what it means to be a peacemaker and so much more. All these are addressed in the music that goes with these books.

As a person living on this heating planet, I can only hope our children grow up thoughtful, compassionate, and smart about caring for others and issues of climate change, and are willing to get to the deeper issues around population, scarcity of resources, and more that prevent our success on these issues.

Apologies for lack of diversity! This poem is not meant to leave out others, but I have only come up with this Santa story to tell the tale of how The Barnyard Buddies (with a little help from me) created “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace” children’s book. Maybe next year I’ll figure out a story that works better for children with a background in other traditions!

The story of Santa doesn’t indicate any religious preference or bias by me, the staff or the organization.

Refugee Children? Selfish Reasons to Care

Posted on June 27, 2018June 27, 2018 by Julie Penshorn

Refugee children are not new.

Refugee children are now at the forefront of our reality. Every country struggles with what to do with the burgeoning numbers of people crossing borders to flee some sort of misery. Fundamental problems of governance and resource distribution create challenges far beyond the attention spans of most of us, as we navigate our busy lives.

So why should you care about these immigrants and/or refugee children? Even if a moral argument doesn’t sway you, it’s in your own self-interest to care. Just pure logic leads to the simple conclusion that it’s much more expensive to treat illnesses than to prevent them.

Beyond the expenses of health care, today’s children are tomorrow’s teens and adults

Who will our children become? Even with a caring, loving family and few traumatic incidents, children can grow up with emotional issues that make them dangerous to themselves and others. But the outcomes in terms of their health, happiness, and even their ability to earn a living, says Nadine Burke Harris, are clearly impacted by their early life experiences. We are only recently beginning to recognize the full impact of trauma on children’s developing lives.

While acknowledging that we have only a small perspective, Growing Communities for Peace, through its project Smart Tools for Life, seeks to create a more peaceful world for all children with our books and music. Some of us, like Director, Julie Penshorn (right in the video above) even make impromptu videos such as this, because we do feel morally compelled to speak out about the refugee children and their situation right now!

The best defense against violence starts with young children

Whether you are talking about preventing destructive gangs, drug addiction, or school shootings, raising healthy babies, toddlers, and elementary-age children is a crucial beginning. Developing literacy, including peace literacy*, is also empowering. Our new book, I Can See Peace is a vehicle for young children to begin developing their emotional “smarts,” and gain some of the tools they need for their entire lives.

I Can See Peace not just for refugee children book

I Can See Peace new children’s book available on Kindle now.

We recognize that creating a more peaceful world is a long process

Many of us feel overwhelmed since keeping up with the complicated miseries all over the world is daunting. Some are exhausted already and say, “It’s too much, we are too late. What can one person do?” One person can do a lot.

Six simple suggestions for growing healthy communities

Hold your child or grandchild in your lap and read a bedtime or daytime story. Pick an educational book like The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace or our new book I Can See Peace.
Demonstrate compassion as your child learns. Listen to them! Create realistic boundaries for behavior, and correct children in respectful ways when they make mistakes.
Listen when people that have different points-of-view try to convince you they are right and you are wrong. Don’t automatically shut them down. Listen with real open ears. Say, “I’ll have to think about that.” It’s very honoring to the other person to know they encouraged you to think. Don’t dismiss people out-of-hand because their opinions are different. Try to avoid unfriending them!
Watch and read diverse media. A singular media diet can become addictive and unhealthy, just like only eating one food!
Read to yourself and with your children. Choose books that include multicultural and diverse individuals. That way the foreign becomes the familiar.
Learn about Adverse Childhood Experiences and their comprehensive consequences. Recent research shows how critically children are suffering in this country from the consequences of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). ACEs contribute to tremendous long-term suffering and health issues for both immigrants and our own population. Click this link to an excellent TED talk that goes into some detail without being overly complex.

The Compassionate Rebel is a formula for transformation

When we compiled and wrote “The Compassionate Rebel: Energized by Anger, Motivated by Love“

The Compassionate Rebel: Energized by Anger, Motived by Love

in 2002, and wrote the words of Tom La Blanc (who is pictured here on the cover with his granddaughter), little did we know we could see such suffering and trauma inflicted on young refugee children on our southern border.

“Oh, Grandfather God! Pity us, for we are a weak and a lost people! We ask only that our little ones and unborn be allowed to grow strong within the winds of their own directions. For we look about us in these times and see children of all colors being abused, neglected, exploited, and denied. This we do not want amongst our circle, so this is our prayer, this is our mind, this is our law.” Tom La Blanc from The Compassionate Rebel: Energized by Anger, Motivated by Love, 2002, stories collected and written by Burt Berlowe, Rebecca Janke, and Julie Penshorn.

The compassionate person may have great anger right now, but self-interest says “cool it”

We have seen tremendous divisiveness in our country over the past couple of years. It has prompted some to bash the other political side when their anger swells up. Instead, the Compassionate Rebel says, “I am angry and I have compassion for all sides. I will find a peaceful way. Perhaps I will find a wonderfully creative or unusual way.”

With win-lose thinking, everyone loses

Perpetuating the politics of win-lose, good-bad, right-wrong is a dead end. It can only lead to more division. That’s why the video above starts with, “Nobody listened when I told my deep thoughts. They shut their ears up like they were robots.” Because in my own self-interest, I want dialogues with people of diverse opinions and backgrounds, where each listens to the other’s points-of-view. I want to be challenged to assess my “facts” and the other person can be challenged on theirs as well. Together, often we can seek a peaceful way forward.

What if we talked?

Often our politicians hope we are divisive. Polarization builds motivation to vote. If our politicians could work across the aisle, they probably wouldn’t get reelected since their base would turn against them. What if we elected Compassionate Rebels who could think long-term about the health of the relationship, the planet, and the country when they voted? What if they talked, collaborated, and worked on problems like functioning businesses, boardrooms, and neighborhoods? How do we build a culture where people can talk to each other with respect? We have to start young.

Our new children’s book is just out in Kindle

I Can See Peace is a profound, inspirational journey told with multicultural art and simple rhyming phrases that can help children in many different types of situations imagine beauty and peace back into their lives.

I Can See Peace new children’s book available on Kindle now.

It depicts children with challenges around family conflict, bullying, and health issues seeking something more, and finding it! If you get it on Kindle (Free right now or $1.99) and review it kindly, then, when it is released on International Day of Peace, September 21, 2018, it will have much more success getting to the hands of other Amazon shoppers. So, a purchase and a review are votes for peace! They are votes in your own self-interest, for your future conversations, your future health care costs, and your future politicians.

Who cares about making a statement or a “vote” for peace?

Every person who has someone they care about and love has an obligation to think. To think long-term, deeply, and carefully, about who our children will grow up to be, with whom they will interact, and where the dangers for them will originate. Without critical thinking, we become easily manipulated by ruthless and unethical people.

Let’s find a Compassionate Rebel solution for another really polarizing issue

When we consider the issue of gun control, we frequently polarize ourselves into immobility. We take no action because we are confused about the best one. Or, we are so stubborn in our views we don’t even want to hear another point-of-view. But we don’t need to be in that situation! Most people on the right or the left agree that young children need to be raised in a healthy, safe environment for positive mental health. So we can quite easily focus on something we agree on and move forward on that! How can we support children’s healthy development?

Who are we as Americans? Is this how America should be?

Eudaimonia has a scathing and frightening assessment of our current actions on the southern border. They say what we are doing to these young refugees and other immigrant children is genocide. If you want to read more, check out their rationale for that opinion here. I don’t disagree, but I am concerned that such labels are going to make solving things harder since no one likes to view themselves in that light.

We are a country founded with the idea that “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” are “inalienable rights.” When those words were written, the world was much more fragmented, since it took many days to travel to other countries. Now, we are less than a days plane ride from anywhere. Can we afford to believe that these are only rights for those in the United States?

My selfish hope is that other countries thrive

Selfishly, I hope others have similar rights since we live in a global community. That said, current situations in El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras and other countries around the world are daunting. To avoid having their children sold as sex slaves, conscripted into a gang, or disappeared, people make the arduous journey to the land of the free and home of the brave. Some just send their refugee children. They dream. That’s how they survive the journey. “It will be better in the United States.” They expect to have basic human rights when they arrive at the border of a great democracy. And, they are entitled to due process and to have their case heard.

All children benefit from our love and care

All of our children benefit from our guidance to stimulate their good memories, focus on the positive things in their lives, and help them find light in the darkness. It is ultimately both smart and selfish to care for our children and those all over the world. They are easier and more pleasant to be around. They will determine our shared future. We can’t count on barriers such as oceans or languages to keep us separate. We all share a common humanity — like it or not.

Our Constitution is an inspiring document

It gives us a framework to be as great as we can be. It’s quite a credit to its writers that it is still relevant. In the spirit of those immigrants who shaped our founding documents, I hope we can continue to be inspired to care for new immigrants, and especially to care for all the children within our shared circle — namely, our planet Earth!

Further information:

A June 20th NPR program goes into some specifics about long-term health consequences of our actions on our border. And, here is the point-of-view of the president of the American College of Pediatrics, Dr. Colleen Kraft, from a June 18 NPR interview.

For more reading, here is a link to numerous TED talks on refugees.

Here is a link to some information on different approaches to racial integration.

In St. Paul and Minneapolis, Minnesota peace and nonviolence enthusiasts are working on event planning on and for 9 days after International Day of Peace on September 21. Ten Days Free from Violence is coordinated by this group: Twin Cities Nonviolent.

The Corrections Accountability Project is a great resource for information about who benefits financially from the incarceration of immigrants and refugee children on the border and elsewhere.

*For more about “peace literacy” see the works of Paul K. Chappell.

STOP for Peace! Steps O-Open your Mind and P-Plan a Deal and take action!

Posted on February 25, 2018February 25, 2018 by Julie Penshorn

Open Your Mind,

Plan a Deal and then take action

The third step in the conflict resolution process from the children’s book, The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace is Step O, Open your mind. This step comes after children share their feelings. At this point, opportunities and ideas readily arise. Plan a deal is what you do with all those ideas. Put a big smile on your face like the youngsters pictured, is what you do when you choose something that works for all! Become a Compassionate Rebel working for gun control is what you do if you are a high school student at Marjory Stoneman Douglas, the site of the recent, heartbreaking, school shooting!

Kids can do the steps Open your mind and Plan a Deal!
Copyright: wavebreakmediamicro / 123RF Stock Photo

A crisis, like a school shooting at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High, reminds us we need children who are independent thinkers!

Crisis can lead us forward. The activism of the students in Florida reminds me of the 1960s when student activists led us to so much positive change for peace. These students’ courage, even in the face of death threats is remarkable and moving. And, when I was in the first-grade classroom last week, helping FFA teens present my book to the little ones, there was a flood of thoughts in my brain as I envisioned the beautiful, innocent six-year-olds blasted with an assault weapon.

Two things mainly came to my mind:

1) how terrifying to think of anyone hurting these children, and

2) how important it is that these children have the skills they need to make this world a more peaceful place!

Peace literacy is not an optional activity anymore

Isn’t it time we got serious about what is at stake in our country, our world? This the fragile planet of our ancestors which the Native Americans remind us to care for thinking ahead seven generations. These are the fragile children that we are charged to protect. As you continue reading this blog, I hope you see that peace literacy, including understanding and ability to use peaceful conflict resolution, is a key ingredient for their future on their planet.

Developing peace literacy includes having an open mind and skills to express yourself

As the students of Marjory Stoneman Douglas talked and cried together after the shooting, their tears showed many emotions, including anger and fear. Strong emotions like these lead people to seek ideas for a better tomorrow. They became Compassionate Rebels as their young, active minds quickly recognized that there was no antidote to their pain and suffering. The status quo wasn’t working, and they wanted change. They couldn’t go back in time and stop the shooting that killed 17 people they knew and loved, but they might be able to save someone else from their plight. They became proactive peacemakers as they took the stance together of “never again.”

Let’s solve this – “this is not difficult”

Nicole Hockley of Sandy Hook Promise, who lost her 6-year-old son in the Sandy Hook shooting five years ago, spoke recently (at a “listening session” at the White House, February 21, 2018) on the topic of school shootings. She pointed out that there are many doable steps to solving the problems around school shootings, and listed several. I expect they were the result of many brainstorming session with her group as they did the step we call O, “open your mind,” in the STOP Process. They included “more funding for mental health. . . [passing] the Stop School Violence Act,” and improving school safety and security.

The part of her presentation that was so powerful was when she said “this is not difficult. These deaths are preventable. . .” I think what she means is: these are pretty easy things to get agreement on. They aren’t weapons bans. We just need to Plan a deal that includes such solutions and reflects that we are caring for others.”

Even when problems seem insurmountable, change can happen!

After sharing our feelings, people are moved. Problems often resolve easily. Many of us certainly have been crying along with the articulate and emotional Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School students as they speak. However, whether politicians can listen and implement change with true empathy and compassion varies, because the additional factor of money, (for re-election, and keeping one’s job) is such a significant one in political decisions. Money is a relevant consideration for us too, as parents, citizens, and leaders.

But this is really not difficult! There are so many ideas that pass the criteria of Step P – Plan a deal: They are good for me, good for you, and good for the community. You could even add, good for the seventh generation.

Our Shared New Future

If self-interest prevents some from making decisions that are good for others and our shared future, non-violent strategies can still effect change. Voting, for example, can make a huge difference! Putting pressure on people’s financial interests is another method. The activism of the students and several corporations to stop favoring NRA members is a terrific example.

Working directly with young children, where we are not hampered by that additional consideration, is a great joy! We can certainly say, as Nicole Hockley did, “This is not difficult!” The children are capable of solving very complicated problems.

Introducing Brainstorming is Introducing Imagining and Creativity

In a classroom or home, the “Open your mind” step offers teachers and parents an opportunity to introduce the idea of “brainstorming” to young children. This is a wonderful word since it can be so much fun! There are countless creativity exercises and brainstorming activities to help children get the idea that brainstorming is not about right and wrong, but about playing with ideas. Then they can really open their minds and become powerful peacemakers.

Step O, Open your mind is about brainstorming! Seem too complicated for your three-year-old? Keep reading! The companion music CD, I STOP for Peace makes it so easy! It has a song for Step O, Open your mind. It’s called We’re Having a Brainstorm. It connects brainstorming and rainstorming in a fun way that you can do at home or at school (see tips below). The other songs and children’s dialogues on the full CD support each step in the conflict resolution process and kids dialogues demonstrate each of the steps.

Not right or wrong, just different

When we have a conflict with any person we often find that it’s not about right versus wrong, but rather about “different.” We simply have different ideas about something. The other person isn’t “bad” and we aren’t perfect! Only after feelings have been shared in step T, Tell how you feel, do we begin to recognize that we start from common ground. Through the empathy and compassion we build in step T, we recognize that the other person is a frail human-being too! What if some of the people looking to buy assault weapons had a friend to talk to?

Problem-solving, even between adults and children, is not really about right and wrong. It’s about finding a solution that honors everyone and respects differences. That’s why Step O, “Open your mind,” works best with a large dose of empathy and compassion in the room! Without them, right and wrong have to be drilled into a child, often with very mixed results!

Children are very good at opening their hearts and minds to all sorts of possibilities and diverse opinions. Thus, “teaching” them about right and wrong is largely unnecessary. With the help of a few simple guidelines, they begin to make healthy choices on their own.

“Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there.” Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi – ولوی

Developing classroom community

How do we role model ways to respectfully interact with others?

Children learn from our actions. Role modeling for right and wrong is witnessed. It is important. Sometimes we may forget how we role model. For example, Do we STOP and breathe when we are angry with a child. . . ask the children how they feel (step T) tell them how we feel (step T) blame them for our feelings? Do we honor and respect their ideas (step O) and involve them in (step P) planning solutions?

Sooner or later, whether we like it or not, our children grow into teens and adults! The type of foundation we helped them build for problem-solving intelligently and peacefully determines whether they spend their years rebelling or lend a positive influence to our shared future.

Consider this: In math class, children are asked to show their work. The teacher wants to know how they are thinking it through. Ask yourself, “Do I want my kid to be able to think things through? Be an independent problem-solver? Be articulate like students at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High?

**When the problem becomes an opportunity for joining**

The other day I was at a political caucus and even among people who were like-minded politically, heated conflict developed over how details of energy policy should read in a resolution which we were drafting. It surprised and concerned me that the hackles quickly rose! Pleased that I could enhance the conversation with a focus on areas of agreement and commonality, I shared my worry that we were bogging down and not focusing on our shared larger goals. That was the opportunity for joining in this conflict.

Many years of peacemaking and peaceful conflict resolution experience prompted me to use my peacemaking skills and not get caught up in minutia. Like anything else, these skills require practice.

**We must start with young children**

Skills for peaceful conflict resolution become a habit only when practiced over time. Starting young gives children years to practice! They learn to respect other points-of-view and find solutions that truly work for all involved when they learn the STOP for Peace Process.

Blowing up the lab

A point-of-view that emphases “right or wrong” suppresses possibility. It creates perfectionism and fear to try something new and make mistakes. Years ago I had a boyfriend who was a scientist. He worked at a major corporation in Minnesota where experimentation was vital to company growth, renewal, and profitmaking. He once told me he blew a wall out of his lab and the company didn’t even slap his hand. I was amazed, “Why not?” I queried.

“Because they like me to make mistakes! That’s where learning, and ultimately the success, comes from.” was his reply.

Tips for brainstorming sessions “Open your mind”

When we work with young children it’s all too easy to discount their opinions and ideas! Though we may not even understand some of their apparently nonsensical comments, we need to try to follow them enough to honor them and write something down! Often we do have a better idea than they do. It would be faster if we just solved that problem ourselves! Especially since we are always overworked and in a hurry!

But how can young children practice and make mistakes when we constantly give them our answers? They need space for their voices and ideas to be heard. If we don’t allow them to experiment, they won’t learn the limits naturally and they will end up suffering from their poor decisions. And we won’t get a chance to see how they are thinking things through and using the “open your mind” step.

Solving problems in classrooms or homes must be safe for kids so they can learn and experiment. Those places are wonderful as children’s life-laboratories!

One RULE for “Plan a deal”: Any good choice from the Open your mind step must be good for me, good for you (the other party), and good for the community.

When generating ideas with children, don’t edit. Try to gently guide without giving too many suggestions. Occasionally remind children that there are rules that must be considered when they are ready to choose an idea and “Plan a deal.”

In our work over the years at Growing Communities for Peace, we usually write down each child’s brainstormed idea. Then as a second step, we go through with the child/ren and review each idea asking: Is it good for me, good for you, and good for the community? If yes, we leave that idea on the sheet of paper or the board. in the final analysis, everyone’s point-of-view is honored and validated if it meets the simple, comprehensive rule.

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace cover

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace conflict resolution and anger management for kids

Problems become opportunities for learning with “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace”

Opportunities to practice new problem-solving and conflict resolution techniques will arise. When something comes up, ask the children, “How would the Barnyard Buddies and Mrs. McCloud solve that?” Be sure you start by asking if anyone still needs to do Step S, STOP and breathe. If not, move into sharing feelings and so on.

The Story

In The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace, King (the horse) is a little oblivious! Some say he‘s like a person born into privilege who has no idea how much space he or she is occupying in the world. “Space” can be physical space, as in King’s example, or figurative “space” in the case of consuming more than one’s share of resources.

The other barnyard buddies suffer due to King’s behavior, perceived as selfishness. But, after all the animals reveal their feelings, and King tells them he’s lonely – compassion and empathy flow. After building that foundation, the buddies easily move toward problem-solving.

In step O, “Open your mind” brainstorming happens. The last step is, P, Plan a Deal. Finding a solution that works for all isn’t really an obstacle after empathy reminds conflict partners of the value of each member of their community.

It’s not solving the problem that’s difficult

When you open your mind, good ideas often abound – even around the most complicated problems. The challenge is finding the emotional space and willingness to listen with true empathy and compassion when parties talk about their feelings and needs (please read the last blog post for more on this) so a solution that works for everyone involved can be unearthed and implemented.

Tips for Brainstorming and learning to “Open your mind”

Here’s a simple creativity exercise to get you started. Pass a bracelet around the circle, or dinner table. The child holding it gets to say what it might be – there are no right or wrong answers! Role-model with, “This is a spaceship from outer-space that’s carrying many gifts to others.” Or, “This is one of the rings around Saturn (tie in with another lesson). . . This is my wedding ring. It reminds me how much I love my family.”

Whatever works for you is fine, as long as it’s a bit in-depth. The more involved the answers of the children, the more their imaginations are encouraged. Do the same thing with a pencil: “This is a rocket ship taking me into space,” etc.

Motions for children’s hands show how to “Open your mind”

Sign language is great to use for each step of the STOP Process. We will make a video soon showing each step with hand signs. Meanwhile, a fun way to show kids how to “Open your mind,” is to put a hand on top of your head and flip the fingers upward as if opening a door on top of your head. This makes it more fun as children enjoy making motions for all the steps of the process, plus it helps them internalize the skills as they gain muscle memories.

Keep an eye on the smarttools4life Youtube channel (join our mailing list to know when new videos are posted) to watch for our next video showing all the hand signs for the process. The teen mentors participating in the recent Chisago Lakes School District FFA Teen Mentor Program loved demonstrating them.

In the CD, I STOP for Peace, some of the words of “We’re Having a Brainstorm” are:

We each tell our feelings, what do we get?

I’m sad, lonely, hurt, mad, or something like that.

It really takes practice to speak from the heart.

I know you can do it! You’re so very smart.

After each feeling we have has been said,

We start getting lots of ideas in our heads.

This is brainstorming. It’s fun to do!

We use our brains and we use our hearts too.

Chorus: We’re having a brainstorm, not a rainstorm, (sounds of thunder and rain in the background)

It’s brainstorming today.

We’re having a brainstorm, not a rainstorm!

It’s brainstorming today.

Use a rainmaker to make brainstorming really fun!

If you have a rainmaker

Using a lovely wooden rainmaker with a soothing sound as you tip it up and down makes brainstorming a “rainstorming” fun time!

like this one, available on Amazon, you can really get the kids excited about the “Open your mind” step. Because we call it “brainstorming” we have a lovely auditory connection through the word used in the song, “We’re Having a Brainstorm.” Play the song from the CD, get out your rainmaker and make it extra fun!

Long, beautiful, wooden rainmakers sound just like rain. You can add a drum and have a real rainstorm for your brainstorming sessions. That makes these times really special. The plastic ones also on the Amazon page, I have not seen or heard. With a visual and auditory tool, children really look forward to problem-solving!

Adding lightning to the rainstorm when great arc-sparks come to us, can be another fun way to explore the Open your mind step. If you have some flint you can crack them together and get a small spark. That’s another visual, auditory, and hands-on learning tool for children participating in the wonderful activity of brainstorming.

The “We’re Having a Brainstorm” song is $.99 to download now!

If you really want to have fun with this work, add the whole CD or MP3, “I STOP for Peace,” by Julie Penshorn. The children’s dialogues and practice problem-solving are a lot of fun. They make the steps of the entire process very easy to remember.

Plan a Deal – Worthy solutions should pass this test:

After determining which ideas are good for me, good for you, and good for the community, the suggestions can be reviewed and one is chosen as the first one to try. A consensus is important. When that can’t be achieved with one solution, ask the children if they can think of ways to combine or change ideas so all will be satisfied. Sometimes you have to back up to step O or step T at this point.

I STOP for Peace includes open your mind and plan a deal

I STOP for Peace teaches the STOP process with short kids’ dialogues and music

Hand Motions and celebrating

When I teach this in the classroom, I like to say, “Plan a Deal, YAY!” My hand motions are, shake my other hand (if alone – or shake the hand of a neighboring student), then flip my hands and shake them again, then raise my fist in the air and say “Yay!”

The celebration of successful, peaceful conflict resolution is an important part of generating enthusiasm for the process. Don’t make it “Oh, ho-hum, we solved a problem, that’s nice.” Make it a “Wow! You are terrific problem-solvers! Look at how you worked it out! Soon you can solve the big problems of the world, with your great thinking!”

Doesn’t the latter sentence above motivate you? Why not bring enthusiasm? Our lives may depend on it!

What we focus on expands

If you want a peaceful classroom where children are independently solving their problems, the classroom is a truly safe and caring community, and your job as a teacher is easier, spend the time necessary to create that classroom environment.

Spend the extra moments in a class meeting at the end of the day to discuss any unresolved issues and celebrate problem-solving successes — especially the independent ones. The book “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace” has many activities for you to make this learning process complete. You can get it here.

Our kids are our societies’ future leaders and must be problem-solvers

Learning about others and celebrating diversity

Children in a classroom are gathered around a globe learning about others.

Given the chance to let their wonderful, liberated minds address a problem, children’s solutions will amaze. Unhampered by money, unfettered by “right and wrong,” children often exceed the ability of adults to solve problems.

As parents and teachers, we can lay the foundation for them to have a long history of problem-solving in a community. They can learn ways from you to find win-win solutions that will impact their fate and perhaps the fate of the entire planet. Your work together with children is SO important! Thank you for your contribution to society as you care for and guide your/our children!