How to See, Be, and Wage Peace With Kids!

Posted on June 5, 2020July 28, 2020 by Julie Penshorn

Nothing gets better until we wage peace.

Fighting in the streets of Minneapolis and St. Paul and around the world in the last week from a police killing of a black man, George Floyd indicates the extent of the alienation, anger, and outrage so many of us feel right now. People are exploding with pent up rage from systemic racism, classism, and a host of issues brought about by the pervasive top-down society of which we are a part.

Entrenched entitlement, coupled with habits of supremacy at-all-costs, is encountering the fruits of its oppression of black and brown people.

Can We Change?

Change is never easy. But we must change the habits that are so dangerous to ourselves and others and move on to a time of equality and justice. We can make cultural changes best through the education of children. They can make it a habit to wage peace. There are numerous helpful resources for educating anti-racist and peace-waging children in a recent Huffington Post article.

What does it mean to wage peace?

It’s what you do when you take a caring action, when you stand up — are an “upstander” instead of a bystander. Waging peace is what you do when you educate a kid in conflict transformation or how to find peace in the day. It is taking a tortured or abused animal to the shelter. Waging peace is marching with others to stand up for what is right, and maybe taking your kids along when you march.

Wage peace. That’s what this children’s musical play demonstrates.

It brings a compassionate perspective to the challenging topic of “the other”. If the newcomer is an immigrant or just a new kid in town, kids can choose to bully, or be courageous — and be a friend. Or perhaps the newcomer is a person of another skin color, a kid with a disability, a kid who is economically challenged and doesn’t have “things”. The specifics are important but most important is the habit of compassion and empathy that is developed when children are very young.

The book itself is on Amazon so get your copy today! if you sign up for our mailing list, we’ll give you a link to a discount product page. Be sure to purchase books in hard and softcover for a friend or for your child to look at while watching this free video.

We are very excited about the video which is our Covid-19 version of a book release party! Julia Amundson, Director, and a team of theater students (Alex Feia, Alli Christner, Bridget Foy, Guled Badri, Madeline Jacobs, Natalie Amundson, Tony Farrar, Vaerna Mayer) created this play using music written by Julie Penshorn. It was performed uniquely by each “animal” actor. Julia did a wonderful job of gathering free music to augment certain singers and the “Sleepy dog” poem. Thanks all for your hard and timely work, all while being Covid-19-safe!

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”

—Elie Wiesel, Acceptance Speech on the occasion of the award of the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, December 10, 1986

There are three keys to children’s mental health:

Seeing, being, and waging peace. Children’s mental health predicts the future of a society, of planetary conflict, and ultimately of life on the planet, so these are important!

The first ingredient for us all is seeing peace. We need to be able to imagine a better tomorrow and find peace in our daily lives through gratitude and a connection with nature and others.
Then, we need to demonstrate care for ourselves and others, and in so doing, we are being peace. Working out our problems peacefully and respectfully with each other demonstrates being peace and provides a lifelong tradition for our children who will ultimately be our world leaders.
Finally, waging peace helps us all to surmount difficult times, including those that tend to force us to focus inward, on our own misery. By finding something to be “FOR,” someone to help, some cause to support, something to create a better home, community, neighborhood, and/or world, we are waging peace.

Seeing Peace — Activities for Teaching the Concept

Seeing peace begins with simple observations of the world around us and enjoying time together creates a tradition of joy, respect for nature, and appreciation. For example, in one square foot of grass, a child can find at least ten magic, wonderful, creepy, crawling, manifestations of the earth’s remarkable creations!

Covid-19 isolation, a time to see peace in nature. This picture is from “I Can See Peace,” a children’s book guiding children in this skill and lifestyle. Find it here: http://bit.ly/smile4PEACE

Some simple ideas to get started.

Lie on the ground with your kids and study what’s in front of you! How many things can you find in one square foot?
Watch a sunset or sunrise together. Breathe deeply. See peace.
Check the new growth on the trees and bushes around your house or in the park. Watch the magic of spring birth and growth in the garden and on the trees. Marvel together. See peace.
Watch the raindrops on the window, or on a warm day with soft gentle rain, go out and feel it on your skin. Get drenched. See peace!
Sing together as you take a walk. How about, “You Are My Sunshine”? Music brings so much joy. It’s a wonderful way to see peace.

After Stopping to See Peace, and Breathing to Be Peace, It’s Time to Wage it!

Jack Doepke and Julie Penshorn sing “I Can See I Can Be I Can Wage Peace” by Julie Penshorn

Much of success in business depends on our ability to get along with others.

Social and emotional skills (SEL) are learned when kids do their own conflict resolution, perhaps better termed “conflict transformation”. Conflict transformation includes the reality that often conflict resolution is imposed from a more powerful country or individual (such as a teacher or parent) and in being top-down it misses something important and results in imperfect resolutions. Conflict transformation implies that people work to a solution that can actually help them move beyond the current anger and hostility to a much greater relationship as they have come to a deeper understanding and are ready and able to move beyond where they started.

Waging peace goes beyond typical mental health approaches for children.

It gives children something to be “for” rather than spending all their energies focusing on all the challenges they face. It fits under the umbrella of SEL (social and emotional learning) beautifully but goes beyond. Instead of just seeking skills for getting along, it positions kids to build a purposeful future, as they seek peace, through generosity, positive action, and mindfulness as a way of life.

This is a time to take stock of practices and policies, habits, and attitudes and really ask: who and what am I supporting by my actions? How can I be a role model for a child and wage peace today?

Five Ways to Help Kids Feel They Belong

Posted on November 26, 2019November 26, 2019 by Julie Penshorn

New kids are not new, but their numbers are much higher

Children of today face a very fluid classroom community. They don’t know if their best friend will be there tomorrow. I recently visited a rural 2^nd grade classroom. It was amazing to hear that one child had attended five different schools, three children have family members in jail, while several suffer from continual stress over violence at home. It’s not only new kids, immigrants, and refugees that can feel left out and isolated. The lack of belonging in a classroom community is a persistent problem for many children.

Children who feel they belong can overcome more obstacles.

Developing classroom community

Teachers and caregivers are frequently called upon to provide the love and warmth missing at home. Often parents are struggling with issues around poverty, drug addiction, PTSD, and more. A sense of belonging to the classroom community can ameliorate some of the damage caused by a struggling family system and uprooting.

The Body Keeps the Score

A fascinating book providing perspective on the topic of belonging is “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. This book details the impacts of trauma and PTSD on the brain. It’s readable and provides information about the underlying neuroscience. It shows how those with trauma and PTSD issues have different brain waves and different breath and heart syncing. It’s fascinating because he’s personally experienced in all the therapies and treatments he mentions. Thus, he has a deep understanding and a unique perspective.

Don’t give up on wounded children. Provide a safe environment!

Van der Kolk clearly says, “People can learn to control and change their behavior, but only if they feel safe enough to experiment with new solutions. . . Where traumatized children are concerned, the last things we should be cutting from the school schedule are. . . chorus, physical education, recess, and anything else that involves movement, play, and other forms of joyful engagement.” (page 351).

Patricia Jennings, author of “The Trauma-Sensitive Classroom,” says the zero-tolerance policies of the past two decades have not reduced school violence and misbehavior. They have aggravated student behavioral problems, especially those that are rooted in exposure to stress and trauma.” (page 1).

**How do you create an environment where all children thrive?**

At Growing Communities for Peace we rejected the zero-tolerance policies from the beginning. And, we have always believed that children have a huge capacity for solving their problems. Children show amazing kindness and thoughtfulness toward others when afforded the chance to puzzle through to solutions. They learn more from dialogue and guidance than from dictates.

Every child deserves a safe educational environment

Children that are well-behaved and easy to teach role model and teach children who are not yet peaceful. Teacher language always focuses on building behaviors of those who are still learning.

Here are excerpts from the Parent and Educator Guide of “The Barnyard Buddies Meet a Newcomer” along with ideas teachers shared with us for welcoming newcomers, creating a safe space, and enhancing belonging

Invite two or three children to do a short role-play to learn to be kind to others. Coach the children to act out a “new student” drama where one child is new and the two others are welcoming. What are the words the children say when they are welcoming? Make their thinking visible. Write what they say on chart paper and post, so when a new person arrives, they remember to use these kind phrases.
Ask children to draw a picture of a time they felt scared and what their fear or concern was about. When we know more about people’s fears or concerns, it is much easier to respect them.
Immigrants, refugees, and newcomers look for ways to become involved, bring more peace, or offer their skills and ideas to their new communities. There are all sorts of ways to do that. Think about your day and draw a picture of how you contributed in a caring way with your family, friends, or classroom. Those are some of your communities. Put these pictures in a Community Journal. Keep it in a special place where children can enter pictures of how they welcomed a newcomer, cleaned up, recycled, shared a toy with someone new, took care of their family animal, sang at the retirement home, and so on.
Invite children to share what they have seen another person do that supports and grows peace, fairness, kindness, or shows care of the earth. To make sure everyone is recognized, draw names or assign children a specific person to observe. Children can draw a picture of what they witnessed. Later that day or later in the week, have a sharing session. In it, you can appreciate each person. Then, add these drawings to the Community Journal. Make this journal visible in your home or classroom. If tattling, or reporting on negative actions is the norm, it may take time for children to learn to focus on the positive contributions of others. Remind them that is their assignment. Then, watch peace grow.
Sing a welcome song. Use the tune of Freire Jacque: Welcome (new student’s name) Mary, welcome Mary, to our class, to our class. So happy to have you! So happy to have you! Join our song. Join our song. Singing is a wonderful way to engage children with the community and inspires a sense of belonging.

We can’t force children to learn

Often we are trying to cram intellectual understanding into a resistant brain that can’t open to new information until it feels safe and welcome. That is to say when it “belongs” in the setting.

A story

A friend of mine suffered from ADHD, and in-class he was a failure. He was very capable at recess and the fastest runner. No one celebrated him where he was a success. Instead, they isolated and belittled him for his academics. With nothing else to offer, he felt he didn’t belong. His painful lack of belonging resulted in him dropping out of school in 8^th grade. This man’s IQ is in the high 130s. What a waste. Looking at activity 3 above, I wonder how his athletic excellence might have become his contribution? Maybe he would be able to add more traditional contributions after being recognized for his current abilities?

You belong to our community of supporters! Let our work support you!

We wrote “The Barnyard Buddies Meet a Newcomer” and you can now get it directly from our website. We aren’t going to release it officially until May 1st. This is your chance to get a pre-release copy. Click the picture below. All books we ship have the author’s signature. Reviewers rave about this book, and you will too.

The Barnyard Buddies Meet a Newcomer

Who can benefit from this book about belonging?

All children in grades preschool to three need opportunities to build their social and emotional skills. Belonging is a key to life success. This book inspires children and teachers to include and welcome others. The story tells of an abandoned, lonely, and a hungry dog who isn’t welcome in the barnyard community. Finally, he finds his way into the hearts of the other animals. And, in the end, a reluctant, Farmer Jim. Reading this book sets the stage for the compassionate treatment of all others. The Parent and Educator Guide can help you build a more inclusive setting and reduce “otherizing” and related bullying as well. We must never forget that most bullies have been bullied. 71% of school shootings were done by people who had been bullied.

You can be part of the solution! Share these children’s books!

Effective negotiating techniques can help children reduce school violence

Posted on December 18, 2018December 18, 2018 by Julie Penshorn

Effective negotiating often isn’t modeled by government

Effective negotiating. I remember my teachers using our U.S. Congress to show me how it was done. However, right now effective negotiating and dialogue seem to be a thing of the past, and many wonder, “What happened to civility? What happened to basic decency and social skills? How we are ever going to get back to bipartisan debate? Or intelligent and truthful conversations in our lawmaking bodies?”

Teens model effective negotiating and learning to be civil

While we are hoping that our “leaders” can take steps toward higher ground, we can be hopeful. People like Brooke Deterline—a cofounder of the Courageous Leadership consulting firm, are working to guide kids to find the skills for civility in conversations, particularly with those who don’t share their point-of-view. These kids are likely to grow up having the skills to move beyond partisan bickering and toward problem-solving.

An inspirational article about work with kids

You’ll find an inspirational article from The Greater Good Magazine: Here’s the link directly to the article: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/these_kids_are_learning_how_to_have_bipartisan_conversations. To summarize: Deterline gets a group of teenagers together and educates them in courageous leadership! She says, “What often shuts down conversations across the political aisle, . . . is when our brains go into what she calls ‘the red zone.’ . . .When we’re stressed, our natural compassion is cut off. . . .We don’t want to have compassion for the lion if we’re actually in a life-or-death situation. Our bodies are getting ready to fight or flee, sometimes freeze. It happens in less than a second.”

Working with Teens is Great

I have often marvelled at the wonderful work being done by people working with teens. And, yet, even with teens, we are doing remediation. We are fixing an already existing challenge. We need to start in the womb and continue with every day of a child’s life to provide a safe and welcoming environment for kids that allows them to think clearly and without fear clouding their responses.

Every day of a child’s life has a lasting impact

The incredible impact of early experiences on young children is why we are so concerned about US policies on the US/Mexico border. Whether it’s separation of families or just extensive stays for youngsters, none of it is okay for their development!

Children from birth to age 9 are sponges. When we provide a fear-filled environment, we create trauma that often causes lifelong consequences. When we provide safety, security, love, and decency, we provide tools for them to learn the very skills that these teens are learning — at an early enough age that these skills become their new normal. If we can also offer cultural tools like books and music to support their negotiating skills we are smart! Then we are enhancing their Smart Tools for Life.

Reducing School Violence and Increasing Social Skills for Young Kids

A brief overview of why Smart Tools for Life are so important!

Posted by Smart Tools for Life on Tuesday, December 18, 2018

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace has a teen mentor component to it, so teens can bring the younger kid these skills.

Our Payhip store can be posted on your website. Your friends, co-workers, business associates, and family can find these materials and you can even make 40% of their purchase price. Do good while making money. Gotta like that!

A key to Life Success? Starting Early with Peacemaking and Conflict Resolution: New Children’s book for ages 3 to 9 shows how

Posted on July 25, 2017July 25, 2017 by Julie Penshorn

Without skills for peaceful conflict resolution and problem solving, children are often labeled “bad,” “acting out,” and “disruptive.” But what are they to do when they have strong emotions and no social skills for working out their problems? And what are adults to do to cope with violent behavior at home or at school/preschool?

Boys fighting over toys need conflict resolution skills

Boys in conflict over toys can cause injury.

Conflict over limited resources can be an opportunity!

Is this a picture of life at your house or in your classroom? There will always be limited resources in our worlds, whether it’s a classroom or a nation. It’s simply not possible to provide everything every child wants all the time. And, this gives us opportunities for learning as we guide children. But children need tools and skills for managing their anger and staying in community when faced with limited resources and other situations that prompt their frustration, anger, or other emotions. Without these tools they may feel compelled to lash out and potentially hurt themselves and/or others.

As we watch how people are sharing resources as they recover from hurricanes Harvey and Irma, we can be inspired to believe that people can make smart decisions that are good for all, their relationships with each other, and the planet.

Skills for peaceful conflict resolution provide key social and emotional skills!

Over the years, recognition of the importance of social emotional learning (SEL) has swelled. Now, we have governors of several states talking about their goals for educating preschoolers in SEL, based on research showing its importance for adult lives. Hanna Melnick, Channa M. Cook-Harvey, and Linda Darling-Hammond recently wrote in “Encouraging Social and Emotional Learning in the Context of New Accountability” (2017 — provides numerous links and references for further reading):

The Every Student Succeeds Act (ESSA) . . . provides an important opportunity for states to broaden the definition of student success to include measures of students’ social-emotional, as well as academic, development. Social and emotional learning (SEL) is a broad and multifaceted concept, which the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) defines as “the process through which children and adults acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions.” Well-implemented programs designed to foster SEL are associated with positive outcomes, ranging from better test scores and higher graduation rates to improved social behavior.

Of course, children will continue to be significantly impacted throughout their lives by many challenges! But the tools we provide in our children’s books and children’s music are useful for navigating the world safely, with self confidence and joy. We call our tools, “Smart Tools for Life” because it is smart to learn them! Further, they are memorable and engaging, and sink deeply into children’s hearts and minds — often for life.

“I STOP for Peace” music and “The Barnyard Buddies Stop for Peace”

Our first children’s book is called, “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace.” In it, the characters experience a conflict over resources, and work it out peacefully. They don’t stop there, however, they regain their trust in each other, renew their relationships, and celebrate their success.

Share social and other peacemaking skills with children and build a culture of peace!

The book is enhanced by two music CDs: “Songs for Peace,” by Julie Penshorn with Rebecca Janke, and one that specifically supports the learning in the book: “I STOP for Peace,” also by Penshorn with Janke. The children on the music CD refer to the book and connect the dots for you! You can purchase all at www.Amazon.com. Here’s the link for I Stop for Peace music on Amazon, or get it at Smart Tools for Life.

Children’s music, conflict resolution songs for ages 3 to 9. I STOP for Peace, by Julie Penshorn

Tools in your “smart” toolbox!

When you have a tool like The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace, in your parenting and teacher toolbox, you can connect it to any ongoing program you have, or it can be a freestanding program. It’s especially appropriate to the needs of young children ages 3 to 9.

Children develop relationships with the characters that can be used to enhance their learning in a variety of ways. For example, when children are in conflict you can ask: “Now how would Mrs. McCloud (the owl, and the key peacemaker in the story) solve that?” The end result in the story is better relationships, more community, and no blame, shame, or harsh punishments. Why shouldn’t all our conflicts end that way?

A Story

A friend brought a four-year-old to the book reading (partially shown on the video above). After the book reading, she, her boyfriend, and the child went to the zoo. It was a rainy day like in the book. My friend told me later that when they walked by the zebras the child said, “Look at that zebra! He’s just like King! He’s not sharing the space under the leanto!” Already, she was connecting the characters in the book to her daily life and to others in it.

Teacher and parent guide in the book

An added benefit of the book, “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace,” is that it contains a teacher and parent guide, plus the music for the “I STOP for Peace” song. You don’t have to struggle to integrate this book with your curriculum. It effortlessly flows into it. In fact, it can BE your conflict resolution curriculum! With the music to enhance memorability, children will soon be conflict resolution experts!

There are as many ways to be peacemakers as there are people. The joy of finding a resolution to conflict that enhances our lives rather than detracts from it, is sublime! So, we learn the skills, we practice, and it becomes easier and more natural every time.